‘I’m glad of that. I felt smothered like down below. When I have gone for an out, I’ve always wanted to get high up and see far away, and take a deep breath o’ fulness in that air. I get smothered enough in Milton, and I think the sound yo’ speak of among the trees, going on for ever and ever, would send me dazed; it’s that made my head ache so in the mill. Now on these commons I reckon there is but little noise?’
‘No,’ said Margaret; ‘nothing but here and there a lark high in the air. Sometimes I used to hear a farmer speaking sharp and loud to his servants; but it was so far away that it only reminded me pleasantly that other people were hard at work in some distant place, while I just sat on the heather and did nothing.’
‘I used to think once that if I could have a day of doing nothing, to rest me — a day in some quiet place like that yo’ speak on — it would maybe set me up. But now I’ve had many days o’ idleness, and I’m just as weary o’ them as I was o’ my work. Sometimes I’m so tired out I think I cannot enjoy heaven without a piece of rest first. I’m rather afeard o’ going straight there without getting a good sleep in the grave to set me up.’
‘Don’t be afraid, Bessy,’ said Margaret, laying her hand on the girl’s; ‘God can give you more perfect rest than even idleness on earth, or the dead sleep of the grave can do.’
Bessy moved uneasily; then she said:
‘I wish father would not speak as he does. He means well, as I telled yo’ yesterday, and tell yo’ again and again. But yo’ see, though I don’t believe him a bit by day, yet by night — when I’m in a fever, half-asleep and half-awake — it comes back upon me — oh! so bad! And I think, if this should be th’ end of all, and if all I’ve been born for is just to work my heart and my life away, and to sicken i’ this dree place, wi’ them mill-noises in my ears for ever, until I could scream out for them to stop, and let me have a little piece o’ quiet — and wi’ the fluff filling my lungs, until I thirst to death for one long deep breath o’ the clear air yo’ speak on — and my mother gone, and I never able to tell her again how I loved her, and o’ all my troubles — I think if this life is th’ end, and that there’s no God to wipe away all tears from all eyes — yo’ wench, yo’!’ said she, sitting up, and clutching violently, almost fiercely, at Margaret’s hand, ‘I could go mad, and kill yo’, I could.’ She fell back completely worn out with her passion. Margaret knelt down by her.
‘Bessy — we have a Father in Heaven.’
‘I know it! I know it,’ moaned she, turning her head uneasily from side to side.
(Editor:love)